✨ Triggers, a Gateway into the Unconscious Self ✨

Relationships are the fastest way to expansion for it is in the other that reflects us, just like a mirror…

But what about Triggers!!!

What are Triggers?

Being “triggered” is a term used to explain when someone’s actions activate us, when they are pushing our buttons. When we become conscious of this mechanisme, we can see them as a tool for expansion because in fact these triggers are the very gateway into the unconscious self.

Triggers in Relationships

Relationships involve two people and each of us is responsible for our own behaviour. It can be very frustrating trying to talk to someone who is critical, blaming, defensive or ignoring our needs. But recognising the words, attitudes or expressions that trigger your emotional response can improve your relationships as well as heal your own hurt feelings.

In life you choose your friends and to some degree you choose the people you work with. In this setting you can somewhat control the extent of the triggers. The real challenge lies in our closest relationships with your intimate partner, your family, parents, siblings and/or children.

When someone says something that upsets us, our first response is usually to become angry with that person. But more often than not, our emotional reaction is based on our own needs, our own fears, and our own unresolved issues. It seems as though the other person is causing us to feel annoyed or hurt, but they are usually triggering a memory or a feeling from our own past and that’s why it hurts. Our response to that trigger is our response to the past. Instead of reacting to pain from the past as if we were still children, we can choose to respond to the present as adults.

Key to Healthy Communication during Triggers

The key to healthy communication, is to focus on the communication that is happening internally. The questions then become:

• Am I aware of my triggers or am I resisting or pushing them away?
• Am I taking FULL responsibility for my feelings or am I attached to someone else making it all better for me?
• How is my inner communication? Is there balance or conflict within myself?

Healthy Communication Skills

• Hold space and witness without judgement
• Share how you feel without going into story
• Ask for what you need rather than making the other wrong
• Be vulnerable rather than having your guard up
  
• Use a quiet, controlled, respectful voice and tone
• Don’t take jabs at each other or shame and blame one another
  
• Be present rather than being stuck in the past
• Don’t interrupt and practice active listening
• Don’t withdraw or give each other the silent treatment
  
• Sit close while you are talking and bring in touch
  

From this perspective, resolving conflict in all your relationships and life in general, becomes less about who is doing what and more about you becoming the keeper of your own frequency.

Sandra Rolus